My Proposal for a Change in the Use of Language.


It’s obvious that language impacts us on many different levels.
The way that it’s used separates class, race, and age.
The language you use can determine whether you are “kool” or “wack”.
Young or old. Rich or poor. Urban or Suburban.
Language has so much influence, that we cannot even use certain words anymore.
Words like “retard” or “cripple” have been banned from our vocabularies and deemed unacceptable to use.
Schools in Ontario are considering dropping the “Christmas” in Christmas Break in order to save the feelings of non-Christians by calling it Winter Break instead.
Obviously, language shapes the way we see ourselves and others, and many hyper liberals are advocates of homogenizing language in order to suit their political agendas.

Recently, I’ve noticed that the use of affixes has increased.
“O-rama”, “izzle”, “funna”, “ster”, “zone”, “ing”, “illin’”.
“Pollooza” is my personal favourite.
I’ve decided that I should start using these endings on the mundane tasks in my life in order to make them more palatable.
Here’s how I might do it…I will take a thing I don’t like, and put a positive spin on it by affixing one of these current endings that are so popular.

Think about how much more enjoyable things might be if I called my job, say “Torture-O-Rama” or damage control between employees as “shutthefuckup-ing”.
People who give me grief, “Dickster” or “Stupizzle”.
Housecleaning and cooking as “Pain-in-the-assoloosa”.
Grocery shopping as “Frustration-zone”.

You see what I’m getting at…no?
Since some advocates feel language has such a deep influence as to change the fundamental nature of the thing being described (as if), this is just my little contribution to help the job get done.

You’re welcome.

Note to the Liberal Government:
If one of those superfluous Trustee jobs becomes open…say if someone dies or something…give me a call.

Today I answered the phone to some woman who started off her spiel pretending to be concerned with how well my printer was working.
I cut her off by saying, "Can we get to the meat of this? Are you trying to sell me ink cartridges?"

She hung up on me.
Bitch.