My 2 Second Shelf Life

Friday 2:50pm

The phone rings at work and I answer it, seeing the call display number, but still ignoring the phychological shield.

It's my mother

I have people in my office, but I answer anyway.
Speaking in Serbian...but I'll do the accent, like they do in the movies when someone is really speaking another language:

Mom: "Sine (child), vat ar yu doink?"

Me: "I'm working, Ma"

Mom: "Lissen, I call to tell yu dat Dragica nos about a Doctor dat cud help yu to hev a baby".

Silence.

Me: "Thank you, Ma, but I'm done. My stepchildren are just now old enough that we don't have to deal with all the "little child" stuff. I can't start all over now.

Mom: "I vant to be a grandma".

Me: "I'm sorry, Ma. I just can't imagine starting from the beginning now. I'm tired".

Mom: "Bat, tis Doctor maybe kud help yu...he's Chinese Doctor. He fixing tings mit da hurbs. Dragica say he's very goot"

Me: "Ma, I'm at work."

Mom: "I no. I just tellink yu"

Me: "Thanks Ma, I'll call you later"

Mom: "I vant to be a Grandma"

Me: "I know, Ma".

Click.

Gimme a fucking break.