My 2 Second Shelf Life

Mama Answers... special k asked: OK, Mama. I've been 'let go' from three jobs in the past three months. I'm a good worker, I play nice with others, and no one who's fired me has ever been able to give me a good reason for kicking my ass to the curb. Am I chronically unemployable? Am I just bad at picking places to work? Or, is everyone who chooses to employ me a jackass? Eh, samtimes dees tinks heppen. Mebee, iz yu no choozink da rite place. Mebee yu in too mach rash to fine da jab an nat lookink aroun to see if yu gonna like vorking der. I don no. Is nat easy vorkink mid da people. Yu gonna fin sametink. Don vorry.

Canadian Mark asked: Hi Mama. I have to quit smoking, but my will power seems to be lacking. I don't do chewing gum, and most pharmeceutical aids cost as much, if not more than the smokes themselves do. Since one of my reasons for quitting is "unaffordability", that option is out for me as well. What could you suggest that might help me quit this filthy, disgusting, and way too expensive habit? I read dis artikle an dey sey smokink iz vorse den da heroin to kvit. I use to smoke, bah I stap. I jas decide, an I stap. Mebee yu need to go to da Doktor. Or jas decide slowly to kvit. Tell yuself yu jas gonna kvit for van manths. Tek da maney every day yu vas gonna spen an da tsigarets an put it in da Teem Hortons ken...an see hou mach yu gonna save. An den ven yu tek da tsigaret to smoke, yu gonna see hou YAK tis taste. Mebee yu no gonna vanna any more.

Hi, Mama, What are the most important things to teach little girls as they grow up? My goddaughters are 10 and 12 and I'll be visiting them shortly. Since you did a pretty good job with Radmila, I thought I'd ask you this... Teach dem da respect. Mek shur dey no dey no cheap. Mek shur dey undestend dat ven da voman mek da decision for hair life, sametimes yu kent chenge dis..an den yu life iz mizerable. Men, dey gadda 9 lives, like da kets. If dey decide to go...dey ken make a hole nu life mid da nu family and don look bek. Da voman, she kent do dis. Tis is vai da voman hes to tink harder vadda dey gonna do. Dey heva da bebies...tis is da most important jab. Dey hev to mek shur. Da voman, she tek ker of da life. Tis is big responsebility. Very valuable. Tis is vai, da voman mast respect herself...from da beginning.

Hey Mama, I own a few guns, I used to compete with them but since the birth of our daughter I rarely have time to visit the range these days. Recently a few family members have made suggestions that it's time to get rid of the guns altogether, implying that our daughter may find them and play with them resulting in a tragic accident. I take firearms safety very seriously, they are well locked up and I think a burglar would have difficulty getting to them (in fact that's what the locks are designed to prevent), not to mention an infant. Am I wrong? Eh, da life is alveys changink. Vee alveys giving ap tinks ven odde tinks bekam more important. I don like da gans. Bah yu mast no vat yu doink. Vat yu vife sai?

Katja says: Mama, I want to know how you stay so GLAMOUROUS! you look divino! Hahahahah. Ja, she tol me I'm da Zsa Zsa...Hahahah. Tis is ok. Ve from Vojvodina.

Hi Mama. Long time reader, 1st time asking question. Have really enjoyed this site. I am 3rd generation Serbian women wishing to salvage some of her heritage. I keep getting dead ends. Any advice? Thank you. Amanda Marie Ah...turd generashon? Hou det heppen? Jao, hou da time go! Ven vee kam, dey was nat too many Serbian peopl here. I tink nou yu ken tek da course in da Serbian. Do det, an den yu gonna meet nu friends hoo are Serbian too. Bah, yu are Kanadian. Hou you mean da "dead ends?"

There she is folks.