My 2 Second Shelf Life

Courtesy of Selina, via Victoria...shaved down to the five most important.
(...according to me).

Rule 1: The only man who should wear a ponytail is a sumo wrestler.
If you weigh less than 500 pounds, and you don't want to get sweaty with other fat
guys, don't try it. It just makes you look like a 1970s coke dealer.

Rule 2: Unless you work out in a gym 3 or 4 times a week, wear clothing that
covers your entire torso. Mesh muscle shirts do not make manboobs any less
revolting. Same for love handles slopping out over the lowcut jeans. And the
tattoos just make it look like you are ugly AND you have bad judgement.

Rule 3: If your children are unruly brats with the eating habits of a jackal, a desire to turn every object into a gun, and the vocabulary of a porn star, I
will tell them what the rules of my home are and I will expect them to obey
them. You're not doing your kid any favours by failing to teach them the rules
of society. Apparently, your current plan is to prepare them for a life
serving beer to bikers.

Rule 4: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't
gift giving, it's the white trash version of looting.

Rule 5: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger t he
asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry,
light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge
asshole.