Bobby Brown and Iron Mike doing The Monster Mash...




Shield your eyes and ears!
Happy Halloween.

Riddle Me This

I am a cynic for many reasons.
If I have a 50/50 chance of things going easily...generally, chance takes the other 50.
So, when in a hurry I'm never surprised that my route usually takes on Police Training video proportions.

Garbage trucks, and cement mixers appear out
of nowhere. Little old ladies with disabilities and
shopping carts teeter out in front of me. Parades I didn't know about block the intersection I need to get across...you get the picture...

This morning was no exception since I was running late, and in a hurry that I would be driving behind someone who was touring the city at his leisure.
So, there I was stuck behind a Cavalier (the irony didn't escape me) getting off the Gardiner at Dunn.
My boy was leading a convoy off the highway, going 20 in a 40, and stopping for a full 50 seconds at every stop sign, with no traffic going in any direction except piling up behind him.

Imagine my surprise when we got to Queen Street and he proceeded to attempt to mow down about five pedestrians while making a right turn.

If you're going to take qualudes, keep your ass at home on the couch.

Sunday Click Around

The picture to your left is from the "Museum of Broken Relationships" exhibit from Zagreb-based artists Olinka Vistica and Drazen Grubisic.
It's getting a lot of press, and for me is a little reminiscent of "The Saddest Thing I Own" website...only I think that the website looks better. But, hey...if any Balkan country can cash in on the fleeting interest of the West...svaka ti cast.

Beautiful Girls...is kinda cute.

Katerina from Idle Thoughts had this video up of Howie Miller.
He's pretty funny....she also sent me this video of a little future metalhead. I watched the whole video...but I just couldn't do it with the sound on.

This Canadian commercial for the Nissan Bonavista made me laugh the first time around, and then I saw the THH22M spoof, and laughed again.
..and here's Eric O'Shea making fun of commercials.

Glacia posted this little morsel from the past, and I had to share it.
For anyone who grew up in Canada, The Friendly Giant was a staple.

Richard McNair, wanted fugitive was finally captured in New Brunswick this week. When I heard the story of the "Houdini Fugitive", I found it humourous.
I mean, he's escaped police a number of times...once by using lip balm to squeeze out of handcuffs...and a number of other times that sound like something out of a movie.
While listening to the whole story on CBC, the interviewer asked a North Dakota Sheriff if he had any advice for the RCMP in regards to McNair, he said: "Yeah, I'd have at least 4 Officers on him at all times".
Here's the police video of McNair talking his way out of the grasp of police.
I'd hate to be this police officer after the fact. Can you imagine the ribbing at the station?

I love The Onion.
Here are: "Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing it", and "Pregnant Woman Acting Like No One Ever Got Pregnant Before".
(Thanks Cynical-C)

I've always said that no one can cuss your ass like a Balkan can. Here is a Serbian Basketball player who does just that. You may be horrified and shocked...I found it hilarious, because I've seen more than one display similar to it.

That's all.

Tales From the Retarded

Worry over soccer violence leads to split decision:

"Two soccer games will be played in Toronto this weekend with one of the strangest rules ever devised to avoid potential problems: only fans from one team allowed on Saturday, and only fans from the other team on Sunday.

When the Serbian White Eagles and Toronto Croatia face each other in the Canadian Soccer League it can be an explosive affair.

But fans like Serbian White Eagles supporter Dragan Jankovic says that's how soccer should be enjoyed. "It's nothing major, nobody kill anybody," he said."

Ummm, so how are they going to do this?
Passports?
Citizenship papers?
Honour/Honesty?

Gimme a fuckin' break.
Serbs and Croats can't even tell each other apart until they start talking and asking questions.

The White Eagle/Croatian games have always included slurs and nationalistic rivalry.
I've been to a few games in my time, and it's a fact.

Isn't there some sort of human rights violation here?
Maybe I want to go with my Croatian/Serbian spouse?
Maybe I want to take my half Croatian/half Serbian kids.
Maybe I want to take my Croatian Grandmother.
Get the picture?

Besides, after a few slivos...and they do bring them...a Balkan will fight their own brother.

This is stupid in the stupidest way.

Alter Ego

Last night I watched Mr. Brooks...a decidedly creepy movie about a serial killer.
Mr. Brooks' alter ego was William Hurt.

It got me thinking, and I asked The Mister which movie character would be his alter ego.
I couldn't get an immediate answer from him.
Although, I would give him Cyrus Cole from the movie Smoke.

I would be either Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction, Lucy Kelson from Two Weeks Notice....That's off the top of my head.

Who would your alter ego be?

"Up on Wellesley, this poor development has had a hard time of selling to the masses, due to the neighbours: Jamestown is right across the street and I guess they’re not appreciating their property values rising. When they first erected the sales office, it was tagged within hours. Then constantly paint bombed/spray painted almost nightly. Mostly stuff about how affordable housing was needed rather than gentrification.

Then this subtle attraction appeared (since gone). See the big photoshopped “condo scene” of young gay males enjoying their new patio, just there on the left of the photo? An adventurous artist added to the photo for social awareness."

Click on the quote for more photos and info. I'm totally with this sort of graffiti. It's clever and has a message and point....it also lets advertisers know that people aren't as stupid as they think we are.

Found at Funkaoshi.

Want to see what we're paying our Government Employees?
Look here to check out Salary Disclosures 2006 (Disclosure for 2005) for
Municipalities and Services

Seriously.

Check out the "Conservative Ad" in the right sidebar.

A Dose of Dorothy

Sunday Click Around

I love all things retro.
So, when I found these vintage album covers I knew I'd have to link.
While we're on vintage music (kinda), here's 50 One Hit Wonders. In fairness #15 died at the height of her fame.

I find the phony photobooth videos very amusing. Here are a few of them: phony 1, phony 2, and phony 3.

Halloween is coming, and I found this costume laugh inducing.

"Craigslist Gold Digger Gets Verbally “Shot” Down" was very good.
As far as I'm concerned, if you're going to advertise for a rich man, then you should be ready for a piece of someones mind. What's wrong with people?

Miss Cellania covers the difference between Northerners and Southerners. Is there something like this for Eastern and Western Canadians? Lead me to it.

Speaking of Miss Cellania, I think I found The Foley Gallery on one of her blogs. It's pretty great.

The Art of Money is pretty clever. When I was a Bartender, I learned to fold a bill to show you the Queen's bum, and I could make the head on any bill smile or frown...

Photos of animals that give them a human sensibility always make me laugh.

Soldier photos is pretty powerful. We can wax patriotic and poetic about "going to war", but what about those who come back less than physically whole?

Virgin Mary Art is interesting.

The week in Asian babies. So very cute.

Murals in Moscow, from English Russia.

Watch a Gypsy wedding.

That's all.

Today's Quote:

"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire."

~John N. Mitchell~

Dumbledore is Gay.

Is this relevant?
I mean he's a fucking character in a book that has nothing to do with anyone's sexuality.

Does it?
I have no interest in reading the series, so I'm assuming that we're not talking about sex or sexuality.

...are sales dwindling or something?

Money Talks and Bullshit Walks

Jessica Seinfeld, the comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s wife, has a hot best seller with “Deceptively Delicious,” a cookbook for parents of picky eaters. Ms. Seinfeld’s celebrity and an appearance on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” have helped propel the book to the No. 1 spot on the hardcover Advice, How-To and Miscellaneous list in The New York Times, where it will make its debut a week from Sunday.

However:

“The Sneaky Chef” by Missy Chase Lapine, who is not a celebrity, also suggests that parents purée healthy foods like spinach and sweet potatoes and hide them in childhood favorites like macaroni and cheese or brownies. A week from Sunday it will be No. 9 on the paperback Advice, How-To and Miscellaneous list.

Apparently, Ms. Lapine was shopping the book around for a few years before a teeny little publishing company picked it up around the same time that Seinfeld's book was picked up.

A while ago I talked about Oprah's statement that there is no such thing as "luck"...and I'm starting to see her point.
Maybe there is no such thing as luck...only nepotism, cronyism, fame and money that puts you "in the right place at the right time" and maybe this kind of thing is the "...preparation" that meets "the moment of opportunity".

Lapine's problem?
Not having access to Oprah, not being connected to fame, or both.

on another note:

When is choosing to be a single mom ever a good idea?
Apparently, it is now.

I'll tell you what...
How about you think about the future human you'll be bringing into the world rather than your own biological clock and desire to have children?

To quote Chris Rock (watch the video here):
"Sure a woman can do it alone...and I could probably drive my car with my feet, but that doesn't make it a good idea".

I could just squeeze him to death.



I love when they're at that toothless stage.

Quote of the Day:

"....And when a woman stops talking, the relationship is in trouble"

~Brotha Buck~

Meltdowns: not having enough to really worry about.

I watched Ellen DeGeneres's meltdown over a lapdog that she had to give away, and it got me thinking about how fragile people who are over pampered are.

Don't you wish that you could afford to breakdown over unimportant shit?

Here's Comedian Jim Norton on Owen Wilson's suicide attempt:

"If having a career like that and f**king the girls he f**ks, if that’s not enough to keep you alive, then none of us have a shot. If even having that you want to toss yourself in front of the train, we’re all finished."

Now, before you all go "Money isn't everything" on my ass, I'll quote my mother on the topic. "Maney dozen't mek yu heppy, bat eet mekka da mizery comfortable".

Pepper Sauce @ Papamo

Next to Birkenstocks, I don't think I hate any other footwear more.



Thanks to Cynical-C for the link, and the reminder that I hate them.

Sunday Click Around

THE Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or counter-clockwise?
If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.
I saw her going in both directions alternately, so what does that mean?

Office Space: Where are they now?

100 Young Americans is a project profiling youth in American culture. Interesting.
And then of course...one of my favourite Bowie songs: Young Americans.

French Idol with a human beat box.

There's art, and then there's things that people call "art".
Here's "Doris's Crack" at the Tate Modern.

Handbags of Horror is cringe inducing for any woman who loves handbags.

Here's a Gregory Hines video with Pam Grier as his girl...not enough of Gregory dancing in this video.

The Skank Bag from The Home Purchasing Club.

How to walk in high heels. The videos on Video Jug amuse me.

Financial identity theft is big issue, but what about Internet identity theft?
Here's an interesting expose from Fox News where they track and find someone who stole someones photo and used it to meet women.

Snowball the Parrot loves the Backstreet Boys. I loved it.

What a wonderful little animation "Reflections" is.

Embarrassing movie posters...no kidding.

Sesame Streets - by Martin Scorsese.

A montage of funny photos.

Ugly Models has your pick of thugs, bikers, and freaks for your advertising needs.

Vincent Price for milk.

That's it.

Too Funny!

Jim Breuer talks about drinking.

Chrysler on strike again.

Man, I'll bet that China just can't wait to get their cars into the market over here.

Ok, I'm hoping that my drive in this morning isn't representative of what the rest of the day will be...VOTE, VOTE, VOTE....don't forget to VOTE.

Even though the pickin's is slim.

Prison Time? Are you kidding me?

Runner Marion Jones faces prison time for steroid use.
I'm not even going to get started on drugs in sports, and the ball of contradiction that is...
Never mind the risk she's put her body in.

Maybe she should have sold drugs instead, she might get off lighter.

Roadside Memorial.

There's something ominous about seeing this memorial at night.
The whole bus shelter is surrounded with flowers and photos, the entrance to the shelter obturated by 30 or so white candles.

So very sad, and senseless:

"The teen (Akila Badhanage, 16 years of age) was swarmed by four or five youths last Friday and stabbed to death as he headed to an after-school job at a coffee shop near Bramalea City Centre."

Is life this cheap now?

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!



Happy Columbus Day to my American friends..

Sunday Click Around

To your left, the photo is from British Comedians in Famous Poses found at A Welsh View.

What ethnic girl should you date? Turbo-stereotyping for fun.

I was thinking about Apache Dancing a while ago. Not the recent "electric slide" kind of dance move...the old time Apache Dancing. I remember seeing the dance when I was a kid and being shocked at the violence of it.
"The Apache Dance was first reported as a domestic street fight between two men and a woman in the 'Montmart section' of Paris in the front of a night club that was indirectly responsible for the name "Apache.""

Speaking of the "Electric Slide", here's an article about a white guy who claims that he invented it.

Here is a clip of Apache Dancing from 1934, and another from around the same time.

While we're on dance, let's check out Gene Kelly's "Newspaper Tap".

The 10 most amazing temples in the world.

The Russians and The Chinese are unbelievable when it comes to intricate art endeavours. Check out these egg carvings.

I love comedy, and so do you...right?
So, I got to thinking about a lot of Comedians, and skits that I've really enjoyed.
For example, the "Gone with the Wind" skit from the Carol Burnett Show: Part One & Part Two...."I saw it in the window, and I just couldn't resist"....

How about Bob & Doug McKenzie? The sketch was conceived when SCTV moved to the CBC television network. Each episode to be broadcast on that network was two minutes longer than those syndicated to the United States. The CBC network heads asked the show's producers to add specifically and identifiably Canadian content for those two minutes. Here's another clip.

I loved the characters that were created on SCTV...Martin Short and his Ed Grimley character...and the terribly missed John Candy. Remember The Shmenge Brothers?
So many of SNL's best Comedians have come out of Second City...Belushi...ok, and here's the Olympia Restaurant skit..it could be on the Danforth, Ackroyd, Radner, and so many more..Remember "Landshark?"...or how about "Cops: The Bloopers"?

Another Comedian I miss terribly is Phil Hartman. Here's an interview with Greg Kinnear from 1994. Part One and Part Two.

Here is Christopher Walken answering Census questions with Tim Meadows.

...On to other Comedians...I lovelovelove Steve Harvey. Here he is comparing Hip Hop to Old Skool, and then here's Sista Odell...and then there's Bernie Mac all of this from The Kings of Comedy.

....and last but not least, Bobby DeNiro opening SNL with Homeland Security.

The End.

8 Schoolboys Charged with Assault

"Toronto police have arrested eight boys aged 12 to 13 and charged them with sexual assault.

Police said the boys allegedly assaulted four girls at Smithfield Middle School in Etobicoke. The attacks happened on school grounds, after hours, on Sept. 25."

Listening to talk radio this morning, an overwhelming number of callers felt that the young boys "didn't understand what they were doing", and that the arrests were "going too far".

As someone who knows that this sort of thing has been going on forever, and more or less minimized, and dismissed as behaviour by individuals "too young to understand what they're doing"...I'm thinking that it's about time that it's taken seriously.

As someone who had this experience in 6th grade, I'm glad to see this happening.
During the discussion on the radio this morning, I was hearing a lot of, "girls dress like skanks now...", it's true....but still, it seems a poor justification for sexual assault.

I want to see more sexual assault charges, until young boys understand that their age, raging hormones, and provocative dress of young females is not a justification for sexual assault.

I want to see this happening until young girls are comfortable enough to go to their teachers to tell them when something like that happens, and a law in place that forces teachers and people in positions of power into a "duty to report".

Rob Croxford at his opening of “Where the Grass is Greener”

A Solo Exhibition of Environmental Works by Rob Croxford

Showing Oct 3 - 27, 2007

Site Gallery at 129 Ossington

Nice.
You should check it out.

The Spock Five never ceases to amuse me...

So, last night I watched "Next" with Nick Cage...and was thrilled to see Sergej Trifunovic in that movie as a sniper.

Damn, is it wrong of me to be rooting for Sergej in the movie, even though he's a "bad guy"?

When he misses Nick in the parking lot, he curses.... "Picka ti materina", he says.
That particular curse has always amused me when it's said by your mother.

I Want to Work for the Government

I did a change of address on my Drivers License on August 31st.

It's now October 3rd and I'm wondering about my Driver's License.
So, I looked up numbers on the Ministry of Transportation website, and started calling the numbers that might get me the information I'm looking for....was my new license processed?

After navigating through the labyrinth of call prompts and referral numbers, I finally get through to a real live government employee.
An employee whose job would appear to be to field and answer inquiries from the public.
I made that assumption because the call prompt informed me that the operator that would come on the line would assist me.

This is how the conversation went:

Me: "Hi, I did a change of address on August 31st and I'm wondering if my license has been processed."

Government Bitch: "It's only the 5 week mark"

M: "Ok. How long does it generally take?"

GB: (Exasperated tone) "At least 6 weeks...I mean, if you haven't got it within 8 weeks, then go back to the office that you applied at, right?"

Me: "So, you can't tell me if it's been processed?"

GB: (audible frustrated *sigh*) "No. I can't do that. I can see when you went into the office, but I can't tell you if it's been processed."

M: (Slightly sarcastic and tart) "Forgive me, but I don't work for the Ministry, so I wouldn't know timelines and what normal wait times are, or what information you do or don't have access to. That's why I'm calling."

GB: (terse) "Well, I can't get the information you're looking for. Just wait the eight weeks and if you don't get it by then, then go back into the office you did the change at. Ok?"

M: (Laughing) "Ok"...and I hang up.

Is there any organization or business other than government where you would be allowed to speak to clients this way?

I don't think so.

I want to work for the government so that I can speak to people any fucking way I want to.

"Caveman" on The View.



I'm sorry, but I found this hilarious.