One of my favourite shows used to be Goodness Gracious Me, a British comedy show with a largely East Indian cast.

The other day I did a post on ethnic names in Canada, here's a little skit by the cast of Goodness Gracious Me putting the shoe on the other foot:

I KISS YOU!!

I take you away from trivial things like war, poverty and politics to some pondering that really matters.

Did Sacha Baron Cohen get his Borat character from Mahir?

Those of us who have been surfing the net for some time will remember Mahir and his famous "I KISS YOU!", as well as his hilarious (because it was a serious website) butchering of the English language on his site.

For example:
"Who is want to come TURKEY I can invitate ...."

Mahir had his 15 minutes...I think he even appeared on Letterman once.
But, whenever I see Borat, I think of Mahir.

I prefer Sacha's Ali G character, but I like Borat too.
Here's a clip from YouTube if you aren't familiar with Borat



A friend and I were discussing how Sacha Baron Cohen has been making light of the political ire he's created with his fictional character Borat.
Apparently, The portrayal of Borat as Kazakhi has created a diplomatic "incident".
What's even more hilarious is that US President George Bush is to host White House talks on British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, the creator of our inappropriate Borat.

Let me get this straight; US President hosting dipolmatic talks on behalf of Kazakhstan because of a British comedian?

Kazakhstan leaders would have done better to keep their mouthes shut. Most North Americans would have kept thinking that Cohen had made the name of the country up.

Responding in character as Borat, Cohen, who is Jewish, said: ``I like to state, I have no connection with Mr Cohen and fully support my government's position to sue this Jew.''

``Since 2003 ... Kazakhstan is as civilized as any other country in the world,'' he said on his website, www.borat.kz.

Chris from Cynical-C sent me Borat Goes to Washington.
Have a look.

Cohen is hilarious for so many reasons.

You know what I like?

It wasn't so long ago that we had to change our names to suit what was comfortable for Canadians to wrap their tongues around.

Now, someone with a name like George Stroumboulopoulos can be a Canadian household name.

A mere 20 years ago, he would have been encouraged to change his name to something like "Strand" or "Strum". It's taken a long time for Multiculturalism to germinate, but it has.

Thanks, Moe and Trudeau

So much for Mona being Leonardo in drag.

But then, there are always those who disagree.

Mona is one of the biggest hypes of history.
Kinda like The DaVinci Code.

In the past few years, I've read about a number of teen parties that have ended in damage or death.
In this age when text messaging can bring many strangers and unwanted guests to your house, I'm wondering why parents would even entertain the idea of a party at their home that exceeded 20 or so people.

I've read about parties that have resulted in thousands of dollars worth of damage to homes and theft of jewellery, home entertainment equipment and vehicles.

Why?

Why can't people just have a good time?
A few years ago, one of my co-workers' sons had a big party at their home while they were away at a cottage. Uninvited guests showed up drunk, and a fight ensued. The police were called. These kids were ejected, only to show up an hour or so later to terrorize the place and trash the living room and kitchen causing 28,000 in damage, plus pushing around and shaking up a number of young girls who were there.
Were those kids ever arrested?
I don't know. Her kids didn't know them...there were a lot of people at the party.
It didn't result in murder, so how far the investigation went is unknown to me.

Would you let your teen have a party at your house?
I mean, you make the assumption that your child is responsible, but do you know who their friends are?
We have big events at our home on occasion, and to say that I know every single person who shows up would be a lie. People bring people, and I've gone through a whole evening not knowing every single person who is in my home.
But, I've never had 150 or more people at a party.
Some of these teen parties end up looking more like raves than house parties.

How long do you think it's going to take before insurance companies start making this sort of thing part of their policies, if they haven't already.
It won't be long before you'll have a clause in your policy, and higher rates if you have children under 25 living in your home.

Mark my words.

Even though I'm not big on strangers touching me...this is so very cool...

Torontonians...Remember this guy?



I heard he got a good job.

Belinda likes it dirty...

Geez, you'd think that she'd have better taste.

Yeah, Belinda...we'll all take you seriously.

As for Tie, no surprise there.

I'm "Team Leanne" on this one.
Take him down!
Take him down to Chinatown!

Coconut Macaroons at Papamo

Harping on the Parent Thing...

This morning I heard Richard Louv interviewed, and he discussed something he called "Nature Deficit Disorder", and then he laughingly said not to run to your Doctor, because it isn't a recognized disorder...but just an observation he's made about what we've done to children in the past 20 years.

He's linked ADHD and ADD to lack of exposure to nature:

"As recently as the 1950s, most U.S. youngsters still had some kind of agricultural connection. Even in towns or cities, kids played ball in sandlots or spent hours building forts in tangled and wild "vacant" lots. Their unregimented play was steeped in nature. That kind of exposure to nature has faded dramatically in recent decades, but our need for nature—possibly physiological—has not. "Neurologically, human beings haven't caught up with today's over-stimulating environment," says Michael Gurian, a family therapist and author of The Wonder of Boys."

He talked about schools taking physical education out of their curriculums, and lack of green space at many schools. He pointed out that some schools have even cut out recess, and one posting signs in the schoolyard saying, "NO Running".
In fairness, this kind of thing can't be blamed on the school system, since often these decisions are spearheaded by uber-parents on soapboxes (much like mine on this topic) on Parent Councils and committees.
Parents who are petrified that their children might get a scrape on the knee, and then get an infection and die.
School boards are scared of law suits, and so they comply with these absurd demands.

I've seen kids so urbanized, that the sight of a fly, or stepping into snow sends them into hysterical screaming fits.
I know you think that I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Keep in mind that I worked with preschoolers and kindergarteners.
I've seen children scream blue murder when they're put down onto the floor to walk.
I've argued with parents that they need fresh air, and exercise. I've even had parents keep children home from school because "it's raining" or "it's too cold outside".

A few years ago, I was talking with a neighbour of mine who has two boys. She was talking about how she didn't like her sons playing with "certain" children in the neighbourhood because those children were "always out on the street"....to which I responded, "What? Out in the street playing?".
Geez, we live on a cul de sac, there's no traffic.
I love it when I see kids put up hockey nets or drag out the basketball hoop to the road. What's wrong with being outside and playing?

Sometimes I feel like it's a contest between moms for Uber-Mom of the Year.
The criteria is that you appear to be the mom who cares the most for your child by protecting them from everything.
This neighbour made it sound like these children who played outside had parents who didn't care as much about them as she did about her own children.

Please.

Let your kids out of the house.

SunDAy ClIcK AroUnD

So, when I found this page on Artist Peter Callesen's site, I couldn't figure out what exactly the point of the crack in the frame was...until I saw a close up of what was at the bottom of the frame. It's an interesting art form, and some of it is quite beautiful.

Here's the Sistine Chapel ceiling in full view. Not like being there...but as close as some of us are going to get.

Here's a link to a country & western song about a guys wife. Some country & western songs are hilarious...

I had Hebrew crunk here yesterday.
Now here's some Christian Crunk.

I've seen these soothers advertised, I've yet to see one in a real live kids mouth. I think they're hilarious!

I've posted the link to Movie Mistakes before, but it seems that they've started linking some of their mistakes and bloopers to YouTube. Which is pretty cool since you can see what they're talking about immediately.

One of my favourite Sesame Street characters was The Swedish Chef.
Here's a link to many of his little appearances on the street.

And last, but not least...YouTube is finally getting some classic Etta James posted to the site, instead of just bad singers covering "At Last", someone called InnerCalm has quite a nice little collection of classic soul and R&B videos.

Here's Etta in the '60's singing "Somethings got a hold on me".
Two observations: I didn't care for this mediterranean/slav "I have to be blonde" look that Etta was rockin' back in this period of her career, and did women really abuse black eyeliner like that in the '60's?
Never mind, Etta's the best!

I've been a Howard Stern fan off and on for a long time.
I'm not a big enough fan to have followed him to Sirius radio, but on occasion I do miss him on the morning drive in.
I have to say that when he divorced his wife Alison, I was a little disappointed, but only because I saw him as this paradox.
The shock jock whose job was really just a job.

I had heard about his girlfriend Beth, but hadn't really heard her talk.
That brings me to why I'm blogging about it...I found his 60 minutes interview online and watched a fair bit of it.
I recommend you watch the parts that have her in them. Specifically, "Who's the Boss?"

Duh.

Can you say...Cha fucking, ching?

Basil pesto at Papamo

Hebrew Crunk!



Happy New Year to all my Jewish friends!

"In your life expect some trouble,
when you worry you make it double.
Dont worry...be happy"

I've been having a mentally fatiguing time of it recently.
Really busy at work, and just for good measure, I enrolled myself in a certificate course in accounting at Humber College.

It's significantly more intense than I anticipated.
In case you were wondering, accounting textbooks are a sleep inducing read.

Anyhow, I've been feeling overwhelmed of late, and when my important government visitor posponed her appointment with me this morning, I was pissed.

Pissed because I just want to get it over with.
Pissed because she rushed me to finish the 60fuckingpagedocument only to have it's submission postponed indefinitely.

So, I needed to see what I saw this morning.

There is construction at a certain west end corner, and it's slowing down left turns in front of a large high school.
I was in line for that left turn this morning.
In front of this high school are benches, and this morning there was a group of mentally challenged adults waiting for something, sitting on those benches.

I looked over to see one of them running back and forth from one of the large planters, to the street.
When he'd get to the curb, he'd smile a big, joyous smile and wave to drivers, and then he'd run back to the end of the planter, and repeat the process.

He was lovely.

I couldn't help but smile.
I couldn't help but wave, and I know he had the same effect on other drivers too.
I saw them.

4 Quick Things...

When a large and successful company gets handed over to a 33 year old heir, you know the the end is nigh.
Remember Eatons?
There is no quicker way to drive a company into the ground than to give it to young private school educated, silver spoon fed heirs.
But don't listen to me.
I hate rich people anyway.

What are militant feminists going to do now?
Listen, I'm a woman...and I know that we still need equality in the workplace.
But we need it from the inside out now. There are plenty of women who are in positions of power, now they need to get onboard.
These groups who sit around pontificating about needing a meeting to have a meeting, and putting together steering committees to discuss the problems that ail women in the workplace is enough already.
I'm not saying get rid of all of them...I'm saying get rid of some of them.
Oh, relax Women's Studies students!

SHUT UP!! Or eat at home.
Parents are up in arms about Howard Public School's new policy about silence in the lunchroom. They're saying that it's a safety issue.
I can see that. Have any of you ever been in a school lunch room?
Then, shut up.
If mommy doesn't like it, her kid can walk home for lunch and only have those children who live too far away stay for lunch. That used to be the whole purpose of lunch programs in the first place, and I suspect it's the plan at Howard PS to get it back that way.
These days, nobody goes home for lunch anymore, because their parents are afraid to let them walk by themselves. In fact, children hate to walk now period.
They're like little geriatrics.
Maybe that bullying thing wouldn't be such a problem if your kid didn't spend 9 hours a day at school, eh?

Remember when I did that post on the nurse who choked the intruder and killed him?
Well, here's the update, it turns out that the guy was hired by her ex-husband to kill her! thanks to Haggard Mom for the update.

P.S.: Photo is by John Lehmann of The Globe & Mail

Where the sidewalk ends...

Ever since my first year working with Kindergarteners, Shel Silverstein has been a favourite of mine.
I loved him for his silly, and profound poetry.
I loved him for his simple comical drawings.
I loved him for his story: The Giving Tree.
Hear, and see it read, here.

He was with me through most of my "front line" years.

I forced Shel Silverstein on children and families.
I forced him on co-workers...but not for long...they ended up loving him too!

For years I used his poem "Turn out the light" as a staple:

"Small as a peanut
Big as a giant
We're all the same size
When we turn off the light
Red, black or orange
Yellow or white
We all look the same
When we turn off the light
So maybe the way
To make everything right
Is for God to just reach out
And turn off the light!"

For a couple of years, the PC assholes made me take out "God" and put in "us"...but I always snuck it in anyway...because, whether it's your "God" or mine...it's the same thing in the end.

Just for fun, here's Shel's poem "Sick" in claymation by Keith Lennon.

BTW, Shel Silverstein wrote many of Dr. Hook's songs.

Poor Kimveer Gill...

I'm already sick of the speculation, and articles that are urgently trying to find reasons for why a 25 year old loner and odd man would do what he did.

Too much TV? Was it the music he was listening to?
NO...he was bullied as a child. It was society! It was racism!
His parents were too strict. No...they weren't strict enough!
He was a loner, he didn't have any friends...that's why!
He had too many friends! They were influencing him!
His parents weren't monitoring him while he was online in his basement...it must be his parents fault!

He was 25 ferfucksake! There's little his parents could have done even if they knew he had a plan to take over Longueuil, and ran to the police with the whole plan and map.

Hell, they couldn't tell him what to do if he was 16, in this country, much less 25.
There are parents all over this country, right at this moment whose wayward children are terrorizing their whole households, and they can't get them to leave.
I remember a couple of years ago, some Trinidadian single mom tried to discipline her 16 year old son, when he came home at 4am, verbally abusing her, and pushing her around.
The police came...but they arrested her!

His parents say he was a "good boy" that they "had no idea" he was so troubled.
Sociopaths walk amongst us...in fact, many sociopaths are quite successful in the workplace, when they don't fall off the edge and kill people.

We can all sit around and speculate, and try to explain why this guy did this.
What's wrong?
People can't be crazy anymore?
Sometimes there is just no sane reason why people do what they do.
...because, well, THEY'RE CRAZY!

P.S.: on another note, why is the Pope apologizing? What do fundamentalist leaders of Islam call Christianity, again? Wasn't a church burned, and nun just killed over the interpretation of what the Pope might have said? Jesus Christ!

The Sliver Spoon That Feeds You.

I was listening to CBC Radio this evening, and heard Noah Richler interviewed. Noah Richler is Mordecai Richler's stepson (for non-Canadians information).
He's Canadian literature Royalty.

Now, I'm not familiar with Noah's writing or career, but in this interview I thought I heard, (between the lines I have to say) "I'm a pompass ass who got the breaks you can only dream of on the coattails of my stepfather".
I'm paraphrasing...but, you get my meaning.

Since hearing him this evening, I must say that I'm totally not interested in anything he does, or his opinion...I dare say...on anything.

Can we hear Alice Munro or Rohinton Mistry talk instead?

You Can't Keep a Good Man Down

I mean to tell you that even though I am a big cynic, there are certain things that rekindle the human spirit.

A few months ago, I mentioned Michael Zubiak in a post about Criminals, and how we really can't tell one just by looking at, or speaking to one.

Michael had a string of bad luck. He was unemployed for two years. He rented a billboard just before Christmas a few years ago saying "HIRE ME"... selling himself looking for work.
It didn't work for him.
When he got desperate, he put his wifes diamond ring up for sale in a local paper. Two thugs showed up on the premise that they were interested in the ring...they beat Michael and his wife within an inch of their lives in a home invasion.

Michael has since recovered, and over the weekend contacted me to thank me for mentioning him on my blog, and listening to him on the radio (it was what prompted my little entry). We corresponded a bit via e-mail, and Michael told me that he is now running for City Council in Ward 30.
He said that he was inspired by the lack of concern of his Ward Councillor Paula Fletcher when he contacted her regarding help with his situation.
Michael wasn't just facing unemployment, and recovery from a bad beating (in Ms Fletcher's ward), his wife is also suffers from a debilitating bone disease. She's had two neurosurgeries, and cervical cancer, which she beat -- but now suffers from a benign pituitary tumour.

Michael was told by his councillor's office that: "Ms. Fletcher does not care to get involved, in a personal matter".
The very least Ms. Fletcher could have done is contact him with condolences, no?
I mean, it happened in her ward!

Michael was shocked..."Since when is crime personal? Anyone who asks for help should be pointed in some direction", said Michael.

He points out that this city has some great, caring people, and he's doing much better now.

So now, he's running.

Wouldn't you like a Councillor in your ward who has a personal stake in it's safety?
Someone who knows what it's like to overcome adversity?

I would.

Go, Michael, GO!

Gimme my money, bitch!

"LOS ANGELES — Universal Music Group, the world's largest record company, contends the wildly popular Web sites YouTube and MySpace are violating copyright laws by allowing users to post music videos and other content involving Universal artists".

This is the face of the future, no?
The music industry started with Napster, but it didn't stop file sharing on the internet. Now, apparently the fight starts with video file sharing.

Piracy commercials before movies, and warnings on CD's.

The interesting thing is that the internet appears to have given many artists an independant platform to produce and distribute themselves.
This must alarm the music industry.

Reality TV is so popular, and low cost to produce...why shouldn't the average Joe Blow be able to get in on the action. Isn't that what YouTube is kind of about?
As far as I can tell, YouTube takes down videos when they're aware of copyright infringement.

This is an interesting turn in the way people find entertainment.
The internet exposes people all over the world to music, and film that they otherwise wouldn't have access to, unless large companies released their product in those countries...and we can find it...somewhere...at a keystroke.
No lines to stand in, no loud teenagers to tolerate, no parking charges, or cover charges.

Some entertainers like Russell Peters can attribute their worldwide success to internet file sharing.
Russell's first special from Comedy Now did the rounds on the internet and exposed him to millions of future fans.
In this interview with OMNI TV in Toronto, Russell basically says at the end of the interview, that if people continue to pirate his specials, he'll stop touring...because he doesn't need the money.

Which I understand, since it's his material...but at the same time he admits that it's a double edged sword because without internet exposure, he wouldn't be where he is today...at least not as quickly...because let's face it, he is brilliant.

I find we're watching the film and music industry panicking, as they try to monitor and control their profits (which are pretty large). I must say that CD's are ridiculously priced...sometimes upwards of 30 bucks. And the music industry can blame file sharing and bootlegging for this, but even with that loss, they still make an obscene amount of money.
To pretend that members of the music industry don't rip off their artists is a tad naive, I guess they want to do the ripping off.
I like the idea that many new artists aren't even looking for a record deal or film deal, they're producing and marketing themselves. It's changing the face of entertainment.

As for TV, to be honest...I hardly watch TV. I can find far more interesting things on the net. YouTube has re-introduced me to artists, and films I haven't seen for a very long time...bits and pieces that aren't shown on television.

Times they are a'changin' and it'll be interesting to see how this whole industry vs the internet thing plays out.

Eventually, maybe the internet will be the industry.

Just for fun, here's a clip from Russell Peters new "Outsourced" DVD. I'll be buying it...but only because I've seen little clips on YouTube. Now I want to see the whole thing..

Chevaps & Cod Fish Balls & Mango Sour at Papamo

What we are?
or
Dance, Monkey...Dance

It looks like we might get a leg up on that lumber issue after all...


Even Young, Black and Fabulous reports that Condie and Peetie might have a little sumptin' sumptin' goin' on (scroll down to the bottom of the post).

During a meeting with the press, Peetie was reported as saying:

“Something else I’ve learned about Secretary Rice is she loves the cool
Atlantic breezes here in Nova Scotia, and she left the window open last night.”
The audience tittered.
At the end of his speech, he took off his glasses, turned to Ms. Rice and said, “Please come back again.”

Well, la dee da...

Oh, STFU Scott!

"Liberal leadership candidate Scott Brison has proposed a package of tax reforms that would include giving young Canadians a big tax break, which would allow them to earn up to $25,000 tax free each year in their first 12 years of full-time work."

12 years?
12 YEARS?!?
Are they supplying crack at these tax dollar funded, parliamentary soirees?

That's a third of your working life.
And who is going to pick up the slack this will create in taxes?
Why, the middle class will of course.
The beast of burden caste.

As if our younger generations are not coddled enough.

"Hey..." says Scott Brison, "Vote for me, I'll give you a tax break, and help you stay a child for another 12 years..."

Fucking moron.

Condie and MacKay an item?

Is this possible?
She's smiling a lot in those pictures.
I'm not sayin'...

Either way, I love this picture.
Condie and Peter sharin' a Timmy's.
Condie laughing...hey!...I saw that jacket at Winners!

I love the Secret Service Agent holding back the Canuck with his hands in his pockets.
Uncle Roy looks so amused by the Agent's concern that it makes the photo.

Besides, if he got close enough, Peter could just choke him Chretien style.

Geez, eh?
Who duh hell does he tink he is, bey?

Apparently, Health Promotion Minister Jim Watson, wants Penn's ass.
I marvel at how our politicians, public employees, and media can make mountains out of mole hills.

The anti-smoking Nazis can now be given a platform during the Film Festival to make Canadians look like petty Yentas to the world.

Thanks a lot.

I'm sure he must have dropped a Timmy's cup somewhere...can't you get the Ministry of the Environment in on the act?

Pretty different from Vietnam, no?

Purchases that The Mister Thinks are Stupid.

This afternoon, The Mister came to meet me for lunch.

Tetka Ljuba, who is always concerned about whether I'm eating lunch or not, called me to ask if I wanted her to bring me something to eat.

"No, Tetka Ljuba, The Mister is coming to meet me for lunch"
"Ju! Da Meester is kammink for da lanch, fe fe fe fe fe. Sei "hhhi" to heem from me!"

Eh, you had to be there.

Anyway, we took a walk around after lunch and I spied this phone for sale.
"I LOVE it", I exclaim
"Uh, yeah. Whatever." says The Mister.
"Can I have it?"
"Whatever"

I bought it and he took it home,and put it up.
When I came home tonight, I was all.."I Love it", and he was all, "It's different".
"You don't like it"
"It's different"

That's politically correct for "It sucks".

Good-Bye Fantasy, Hello Reality.

It appears that Éduc'alcool in Montreal is pushing for a reality check, in beer advertising.

"The group is asking the industry to voluntarily adopt the new code, which forbids sexism or the association of products with sexual performance, sexual attraction or popularity".

What?
Quoi?

No more of this kind of thinking, you unrealistic bastards.
Quebec (of all places!?!)is going to force you to face reality...

Sweet Potato Pie and Spicy, West African Peanut Curried Chicken at Papamo

Sunday Click-Around

Here's a site that lets you make your own highway sign. Very similar to The Church Sign Generator.

Again with the music video links.
What can I say? I never get tired of them.

Last night I burned hours watching interviews, and videos of my favourite Serbian/Ex-YU singer Ceca.

In one interview where she sang the song "Kukavica" a capella.
Her voice, combined with the sad lyrics...listen...when she sang it, she gave me goosebumps
(you have to sit through some of the interview, untranslated, if you're at all interested).
I also found one of my favourite Ceca songs from the ninties, Pustite me da ga vidim.
I know that many North Americans find the style of Eastern singing amusing, but you have to have incredible range and control over your voice to do it.
This style of singing requires more talent, range and control over your voice than most popular north american singers could only dream of having.
Ok, this little section was probably interesting to only a few of my readers...and even though it's not cool, I love Ceca!

Anyhow, these two are Savoy Ballroom dancers Al and Leon. They're members of Whitey's Lindy Hoppers. (see Hellzapoppin 1941). Al and Leon dedicated their lives to jazz dance, here in 1959 on the Playboy TV show they demo the Charleston in the timeline history of American Dance. This video is really, really great!

Do you subscribe to sarcasm? I do. The Sarcasam Society celebrates the art of sarcasm. And in the same vein, here's The Shakespeare Insult Kit, to compliment what you learn.

I found 20 Questions amusing for one round. It correctly guessed; egglant as the vegetable that I was thinking about.

I found this cutting board scale interesting, and certainly useful, but I'm concerned about exactly what kind of chemical is in the board. As it is I'm carrying a cellphone that fucks with my monitor or phone line if its close by and is about to ring. The thought of exactly how much radio frequency is whizzing by our heads is enough for me, thanks.

Country music is funny.

And last but not least, Cynical-C posted a link to 23 of Penn & Teller's Bullshit Episodes.
They're really worth watching, and funny as hell too!

That's all for now, kids.

Can you say: "Midlife crisis"?

Police chief quits over nude photos wife put on Web

"My wife is 6-foot-3 and weighs 300 pounds," said Ozmun, who became chief in January 2005. "If there is somebody that thinks they can control her, have at it. I have tried for 11 years and haven't been able to." Says Ex-Chief Ozmun.

There's been some talk about whether her actions should have any effect on her husbands ability to do the job. Of course not, but what town wants a Police Chiefs wife nekkid on adult internet sites?
It's embarrassing to her husband, who has a job that commands respect, and now has to face a whole township of people, and now the entire continent.
She's made him joke fodder.

And it's not like she's 25, and hot.
I mean...just look at her.

She needs a mental health assessment.

In other news:

Ouch, and contrary to popular belief...I don't even have any.

Jedan, dva, chetr, pijet...oy, yoy, yoy...it's the Numa Numa guys new video!



Here's the loved old one:

Germaphobes Unite!

The mere thought of Body sushi makes me want to break out the sanitizer.

You GO, GIRL!

I'm sorry, but if you break into someones house wielding a hammer, you takes yer chances.

It's a job hazard.
He lost.

"Daddy don't you walk so fast..."

Today, I've had the fifth parent in 3 months announce that she and her spouse are separating.
It's an epidemic.
It's none of my business, but this last one kind of got me down.
She told me that her oldest son is very angry about it, and specifically angry at her.

I reminded her that children don't care if their parents are happy together or not.
They just want them together.
I know adults who don't care if their parents are happy or not, they just want them together.

It just makes me so sad, to see this many marriages falling apart, so close together.
So many children who will have to go through the emotional turmoil of watching their parents break apart.

Ladies, please...if you see that your relationship isn't going well, and you're having problems, don't have that last kid.
Don't do it.
It won't save your marriage.

Really it won't.

Photo by one of my favourite Photographers: Diane Arbus

Stupid Parent Tricks

Lilly Wonka posted about this 6 year old kid who was kicked off of an Air Canada flight to Cancun for "uncontrollable" behaviour.

In this climate for travelling, isn't six a little too young?

Even my mother who was an advocate for child slavery, waited until I was 8 or 10 ,(I can't rightfully remember exactly) to send me on a 10 hour flight across the world.
When I travelled on my own, I was handed from Air Canada flight attendants to Lufthansa flight attendants on my stopovers in Frankfurt.
They were lovely to me, as I remember.
But then, I wasn't a tantruming, freaked out litle bitch either.
It might have to do with the fact that I wasn't 6 years old...the difference between 6 and 8 is huge!

These parents are idiots.

Besides, shouldn't we Canadians be boycotting Cancun since the whole Ianiero debacle?
Unless of course the child is Mexican...and we can't, since the child "-- whose gender and nationality cannot be revealed, according to company policy --" although the entire article refers to the child as "he/him".

Still 6 is way too young in these times...

Left Over Stir Fry



Recipe over at Papamo.

I. Hate. This. Mayor.

And pickins' is slim, y'all.

In other news:

Russell Crowe is coming to the Festival....all hotel employees...Run. Hide.

"Money, money changes everything
We think we know what we're doin'
That don't mean a thing
It's all in the past now
Money changes everything..."

A while ago Cynical-C linked to an article about 8 Lottery Winners who lost their millions.

I remember watching a documentary film a few years ago, that chronicled the fates of a number of lottery winners across the U.S.
There wasn't one happy story.
They all lost their money, and ended up worse off than before they won. It caused problems and hardship between family members and friends.
Perhaps it's because of the stories chosen, or maybe it's because poor people who are handed money do stupid shit with it.

Here are some stupid things that you can do with your money if you win the lottery:
-Give money to people hand over fist
-Fur line your bathroom
-Pimp your new hummer with lamborghini doors
-Dye your dog pink and buy her a Dior diamond necklace, and walk around the 'hood with her.
-Go to Las Vegas and blow it gambling.
-Go into a business that you know nothing about with your brother in law.
-Diamond stud your cell phone.
-Marry Britney Spears and start rapping!
-Spend 50 grand on rims for your car.
-Take a bath in Cristal.
-Buy a plane.
-Buy an island, and declare yourself King/Queen.
-Install solid gold toilet bowls in your house.
-Insist on having 18K gold flakes in every beverage you drink.
-Install a paid 30 person entourage to follow you around.
-Install canals and gondolas in your house instead of hallways.

Having money doesn't instantly give you sense.
Ask many people who were famous with millions, and had to file for bankruptcy.
Toni Braxton and MC Hammer come to mind, and they weren't even lottery winners.
You'd think they'd have organized themselves.

Money changes everything, indeed.

*sigh*

Canadian kids are too fat, An Ipsos-Reid survey says.

No kidding.

I've noticed that many parents are obsessed with their kids eating habits.
Often, they don't care what they're eating, as long as they're eating.
When I was a kid, I was a bad eater.
I didn't particularly like good, fresh food.
Did my mother pander to me?
Hell no!
I will tell you that I was often told that I would not dictate what was served in our house.
I once had a relationship with a bowl of mushroom soup...I wouldn't eat it for dinner, I was served it for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner again.
I was not taken to McDonalds or Burger King.
"Tis is garbitch food" Mama would say....

I talk to parents regularly who pander to their kids. They won't eat the meal Mom made for the rest of the family, so Mom makes them a "special" meal that they like.
Usually some boxed crap that resembles McNuggets or pizza.
In my head I think, "Are you retarded?" Who wants to cook a different meal for everyone in the house?

They do, obviously.

I can't tell you how many parents I see in the hallway at school holding bags from McDonalds, or Pizza Hut, or Burger King at lunchtime. People who make a special trip to school at lunchtime to give their kids a lunch that they'll eat because a sandwich, and a piece of fruit is not something their child will eat.
This is insane thinking, in my opinion.
For a few reasons.
One is that kids won't starve themselves.
No. Really.
They won't.
Not unless they have some sort of medical condition.
And two, you're teaching your kids that their whims come before all else.
Yeah...I'll leave my job and race down to the school to bring you McDonalds because you won't eat what the school provides, or the packed lunch I provide.

I hear from parents regularly who tell me stupid shit like, "oh, he won't eat raspberry jam because of the seeds" or "Avocado? He won't eat that kind of food".
Well, you know what?
Unless they're exposed to it, no...you're right.
They won't eat it.
But, if they're hungry enough, they will.
If they're exposed to it enough, they will.

In my opinion, kids are not fatter because they eat too much.
They're fatter because they eat crap, and parents drive them to school, and drive them to their friends houses, and some parents spend too much time showing them that they should be entertained rather than finding things to entertain themselves.
We're even processing food to entertain them, ferfucksake!

It's made them lazy.

Listen, the occasional McDonalds isn't going to kill them...but making it their regular meal because "they won't eat anything else" is work-shy on the parents part.
Sending your kid to school with a pop and doughnut for breakfast because they "won't eat anything else", is bullshit.

Mealtimes can be a fight, but it's only a fight because people fall into the food power struggle, and don't have the balls to go the distance.

They all need a week with Mama.
She's the Heavy Weight Champion of "You gonna eat vat I mek"

Sidenote:
Mama had a wooden spoon that she would hold over me on occasion...I had that spoon until about 4 years ago. It was bent from cooking and raps on my shoulder during mealtimes.
Can I tell you how upset I was when I broke it stirring some curried chicken?
Which is something I never would have eaten as a child....

The Secret Life of Parrots

Sentinel Hilarity

Last night, The Mister rented The Sentinel.
I must say that I've never seen Toronto look so menacing in a movie before.

Premise of the movie is that Michael Douglas (who is a Secret Service Agent) is being framed for a plot to kill the President, and he runs around trying to gather evidence to clear himself. Keifer Sutherland is an agent who has a bone to pick, and is trying hard to pin everything on him.

There are a lot of holes in logic, but I found two really amusing things in this movie.
The henchmen are Russians.
Natch, because there's nothing scarier than ex KGB mercenaries coming after you.
But, for a millisecond I thought they might have decided on Serbs for the bad guys when one of the characters says to another, "oces pivo?" (do you want a beer?) while they're relaxing after a long, hard day of assassinations.
But no, it turned out that they were Russians..phew!

Anyhow, the assassination is supposed to take place during the G8 Summit which was being held in Tronna, eh?
So, during this scene, they pan over the obligatory protesters outside of City Hall, and they're climbing the fences and screaming their heads off.
...and The Mister says, "No fuckin' way those are Canadians".
"Well, people come from all over to protest the G8. They're probably tourists", I reply.

In another scene, a bunch of Secret Service Grand Poobahs are discussing how people will be allowed a "code 3 barrier" or something like that...inferring that us Canadians will let the peon public really close to the Heads of State.

The Mister and I burst out laughing...and the conversation went like this:

"Hahahahaha, I guess if you can get close enough for the Prime Minister of Canada to choke you, they have a reason to worry"

"Yeah, I miss Cretien. He really had his hands on the pulse of the public, hahahahahahahah!".

There were no big, bang up crash scenes in Nathan Phillips Square, and I was disappointed.
*Sigh*
I picture the discussion with City Council around filming the end scene of that movie in front of City Hall on Queen Street:

"Yeah, well...we're thinking a couple of explosions, and maybe a few car wrecks..."

"Well, we appreciate what you're planning, and the money that is being spent on filming here in Toronto. Thank you for coming. Perhaps we can put together a steering committee to discuss the possibilities of perhaps a couple of firecracker explosions, and maybe a very angry protester or two..."

"Um, well...no. We need to do the scene the way it was written"

"... Well, we'll take it under account, but I'm afraid we're not having any of that here.

"Even if Keifers' Granppy is Tommy Douglas?"

"No"

Oh, those uptight Canucks.

The Two Sleeps After Sunday Click-Around - Back to School Edition

So, while being away for a couple of days, and not being online to feed my YouTube, blogging habit, today was spent..eherm...catching up.
I found this hilarious Photobooth prank.
It's a must see.

Then, I had a 10 minute relationship with Pjotro. He loves music, he loves dancing...and he loves engineering.
What a combo!
Pjotro and I went dancing, and you can watch it here.
The intro is priceless!

The CBC has put up some freaky deaky website, called 120seconds.com. I think it's supposed to attract a younger audience, because there are some parts that have people saying "cum" and other words that are not CBC-ish.

While we're on the whole "Not CBC-ish" thing, take The XXX Which Chick has a Dick Test.
It's definitely not for everyone, and NSFW.
I scored 22 out of 41, which means that M.A.C. cosmetics is doing a fine job, indeed.
If you take the test, tell me what you scored.

Do you wish you could put words in Bush's mouth?
Here's your chance. It's an interactive game where you can choose what you'd like to hear Bush say in one of his long winded speeches.

I think I'm done for now...

Coconut Cake recipe over at Papamo

Red, red wine...stay close to me...



Did you miss me?
The Mister and I, (along with the "pantie" sister-in-law and her family) were invited to Mr & Mrs. Crabby's cottage, up Picton way. It was a rainy and cool weekend, but that didn't stop us from touring around the wine trail.
We ate, drank, and ate some more...it was a lovely and relaxing weekend.
Now, it's back to the grind, and a good-bye to summer.

Have a look at my little weekend movie, and see some of the sights of Prince Edward County.
Very pretty.

Loco-Motions...

Lilly Wonka brought my attention to a laughable news item about a un.ion grievance filed against a councillor who lowered a town flag to half-mast following the death of a Canadian soldier in Afghanistan.

I heard about it on the news and just shook my head.
Does it surprise me?
Uh, no.

This morning I read that "after "a national outcry against C*PE members dishonouring war veterans," the uni.on will withdraw its grievance today, Drebit said."

But, earlier in the article:

"Though it was a Saturday, that job should have been done by a uni.onized worker, Drebit insisted. The un.ion grieved Hodgson's action."

Herein lies the problem with people who rely on someone else to do the thinking for them.
Their collective bargaining agreement is their bible and nitpicking a specialty.
It's mentality like this that leads us to war, to religious fanaticism, to holocausts. People who need to be told what to do. Ever meet a un.ion zombie? Follows their interpretation of the CBA like a fundamentalist Christian, and is righteous about what is "fair" according to their interpretation.
Someone who can't give and take. Someone who can find the inequity in even the simplest things....because fair is relative, right?
So, it's easy to find the cracks in fairness, and get out of doing the "right" thing.
How is a councillor taking 20 seconds to lower the flag muscling in on u.nion hours?
Did the councillor demand to be paid time and a half for doing it on the weekend?

And then:

"The union will meet with management today to come up with a procedure to ensure flags are lowered in the event of a soldier's death -- even on weekends and statuory holidays, Drebit said."

Translation:
"Don't touch the fuckin' flag. Call in someone for time and a half, and don't forget that article "blahblahblah" says that if you call me and I step in the door, you need to pay me a minimum of 4 hours. Even if it only takes 20 seconds to lower the flag. Oh yeah, and don't forget gas and milage..."

I'm just kidding...kinda.