Ghostriding The Whip

A while ago I did a post on this new and improved teenaged way to kill yourself and wreck your parents car at the same time.

That's why I had to laugh when I saw this video of a kid doing it, and then getting his car stolen.

Howard K. Stern is grief stricken!

"He got paid $1 million for this. $1 million. Everytime he puts his hands to his face it's because he's about to break out in laughter. I'm not saying he killed Anna Nicole Smith, but he could be twirling a handlebar mustache and it'd look less suspicious than this."

So says The Superficial.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch...photos surface of Anna and the Bahamian Immigration Minister in bed.

Wow.

Who can keep up?

I mean, you've got to hand it to a woman that can function at that rate with alcohol, meth, trimspa, Slimfast and a host of other illegal drugs in her...
...meanwhile, I'm out on a glass of Shiraz.

Really....

What with Zsa Zsa's husband claiming possible paternity and a decade long affair, the dicussion around "adopting" Anna...except for that pesky Zsa Zsa refusing to sign the papers!

Really, the only thing missing is circus music and a guy with a top hat and handlebar mustache swinging a lasso.

So, I'm over at Funkaoshi where I found the link to this article about two teenagers (girl 16/boy 17) who got arrested for taking naked pictures of themselves and sending them to each other.

Then, I'm reading the comments at Metafilter and marvelling.
Jokes about it being like "pics of themselves as babies naked on the bearskin rug", and insinuating that the charges are ridiculous.

The thing that seems to be escaping some people is that they were 16 and 17 years old.
And I suppose that in Florida, they're considered minors, and..GOLLY... there...it's illegal.

It doesn't matter who took the pictures.

If you're stupid enough to take pictures of yourself naked and send them to anyone when you're a 16 year old girl, or boy....you need someone to tell you to keep your emerging tits in your shirt, or penis in your oversized pants.
(about 50 google hits with just that last sentence, people.)

And if you're not going to listen to your parents...you might very well listen to Officer NotCoolWithNakedKidsontheNet.

I remember a few years ago, there was all this bawling and crying about a high school girl who let her (then) boyfriend use a camera phone to take pictures of her giving him head.
When they broke up, (as high school romances tend to do) he posted the photos on the internet, much to her embarrassment and mortification.
She wasn't charged with anything because of the state she was living in, but she was maligned and suffered greatly for her stupidness through how she was treated by, and made fun of by her peers. She had to transfer schools.
I think that perhaps she would have fared better if those photos had have been found, confiscated and destroyed by police.

Now, for all the TV and video crap that teenagers heads are filled with, most 16 year olds these days are significantly less mature than I was at 16.
I think a lot has to do with how overprotective parents have become.
So, many don't even consider the consequences of their poorly (if at all) thought out decisions to do things.
There is a false sense of protection there.

Maybe kids do need to learn the old fashioned hard way...like the camera phone headgiver...and not be protected from themselves by Mummy and Daddy, pesky minor laws and Officer JustSayNOtoPedophiles.

Because there just aren't enough photos of naked 16 year old girls (another 50 google hits from degenerates) . on the internet
Let girls post them of themselves, instead of waiting for their immature 17 year old boyfriends to do it after they break up.

And then, we can all tsk, tsk and shake our heads about how terrible it is that there is all this child porn online.

Sunday Click Around

Yo Momma jokes have been around for a long time.
"Yo Momma so ugly that when she comes into the kitchen, the rats jump on the table".
"Yo Momma so fat that when she dances at a wedding, the band skips".
"Yo Momma so black, when she gets out the car, the oil light comes on"
...and so on.
I've been watching MTV's Yo Momma battles on YouTube, and laughing my ass off.

How small minded am I?

Here's skinny little whitey Hair Jordan whupping ass.
Here's Yo Momma in NYC.
Here's a little joke history on The History of Yo Momma Jokes.
Gerry Dee is in this video, and if you ever get a chance to see him live, GO! His stand up act is hilarious.
Here's some Yo Momma goodness from MadTV back in 1994, with Chris Tucker and Debra Wilson.

A couple of years ago when Dove launched their Campaign for Real Beauty, I wasn't really onboard because I thought that they were just taking advantage of marketing to aging baby boomers, but in the end...even if they are, it's a good campaign. I guess I'm just not used to advertisers selling real people in place of fantasy. Here's Dove's Dream Team Winners and their stories. It's just nice to see some real people in advertising for a change.

Given the field I'm in, I shouldn't find this funny...but I do. I do!

There's been a little discussion around "Inat", and it's meaning recently. I've talked about it before in passing, and linked to Anna's post last week, as well as Aleksandra Kovac's explanation last week. Then I noticed that Funkaoshi posted about Inat and Tarouf last week. Serbs also practice tarouf, but we have no name that I know of for it...but it exists in our culture. It's the same mentality that tells you when you walk in the door..."no, no...leave your shoes on..." but intrinsically...you know better. "No...no...don't bring anything....", but when you do it's accepted with expectation. Here is Aysela singing "Teram Inat" ("pushing", "forcing" or "chasing" inat, I can't think of another word for Teram..it's one of those words that is hard to translate.)
While we're on the topic of Serbian music...here's a download site that I thoroughly took advantage of recently from SerbianPlanet.

While my blog is not a political blog, I still encourage you to sign this petition against the Independence of Kosovo.
I know that most people don't care, but for those of us that do, and have family still living in the forgotten war zone....it's important.

On a lighter note, while we're in the East, let's check out some bellydancing.

For all you Hasselhoff fans, here's Wax on Wax Hoff for your gaming pleasure.

For those of you that missed the SuperBowl commercials, here they are. (they weren't that great).

I love stuff from the '60's, '70's, and '80's... so here is Ska Dancers , The Message, and Soul Train. Enjoy!
I watch those videos and wonder about the people in them.
The Ska Dancers video could have The Misters mother partying up right there with them.
She's in her 70's now and she could still salsa you under the table, son.

Here's a little video from All About U, it was filmed in front of a convenience store I pass almost every day. I quite like them too...I found it at Lydonology. Who lives in the 'hood.

Ever wonder what Serbian models look like? Wonder no more!

Commercials are funny. The Mister and me used to go to The Groaning Board on Jarvis many years ago to have dinner and watch award winning commercials from all over the world. The Groaning Board is no more....but the commercials still keep coming. Like this one, and this one, and this one. Not that you even remember the product....

I've got a sense of humour. Really I do...but this guy needs a slap in the head.

Grumpy, Bald Scotsman Mark Day weighs in on Anna Nicole.

Punk in Suburbia weighs in on Anna Nicole as well.


I'm rooting for Chris Sligh on American Idol.
Really, I am.
He's good, and he's not plastic looking.

Ok, kids...I think that's all.

The Coochie Monologues

“Thank you, officer. We love the police.”
Paris Hilton

"I'm not set on a pedestal where I think I'm too high and mighty."
Naomi Campbell

“With this budget, we're not going to have enough for cigarettes or alcohol.”
Jodie Marsh

“I don't really think, I just walk.”
Paris Hilton

“I used to do drugs, but don't tell anyone or it will ruin my image.”
Courtney Love

"I got moral. My children are raised morally."
Janice Dickinson

“The artist I wanna be like is Michael Jackson. I'll get the house with the roller coaster and the rides and a disco, and I'll invite all my friends and just stay at home.”
Li'l Kim

“It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me.”
Anna Nicole Smith (yes...I know...but the quote was too good to not include)

"I love when people walk into my house and start grinning, 'This is too
much -- this is so you!' Why give people brown cardboard when you can give them
embroidered, crystal-flecked organza?"
Kimora Lee Simmons

"I really think that women should be allowed to be more European, in this country."
Sally Kirkland

“At the end of the day you have to be driven by principle and you've got to be driven by passion and your belief in what this country can be.”
Belinda Stronach

Let's Go to Jail

"Welcome to a jail Spain says is the only the one in the world with cell units for families: Disney characters on the walls, a nursery, a playground for toddlers. The idea is for kids to bond with their imprisoned parents while young enough to be oblivious to their surroundings, and for inmates seeking rehabilitation to learn parenting skills. The prison in this town 40 kilometers (25 miles) south of Madrid has 36 cell units for families, although now only 16 are occupied, most with Latin Americans. The units of the special F-1 section are known in jail jargon as 'five-star cells'. (AP Photo/Bernat Armangue)"

I kind of think it's a good idea to teach couples how to be parents, and not to separate them from their children if they go to jail...but this living arrangement looks like it might be worth committing crimes to continue to living there.
It's certainly more cushy looking than most low income family homes on the outside.

Another Episode of STFU

So, I read that a suicide prevention group is protesting a GM commercial that was aired during the Super Bowl.
The commercial shows a robot at a GM plant's downward spiral into depression...A robot.
Apparently, the general public is too weak in the knees, and soft in the brain to tell the difference between reality and fiction.
We need these politically correct special interest groups to keep us from viewing things that might give us ideas.

It's this kind of shit that has kept a whole lot of people employed. There are always people waiting on their haunches to spring up and be offended.
As though not talking about suicide unless it's in a somber way is going to change any statistics.

Here's the ad:



The ad isn't great or anything, and if this group hadn't have protested it, I wouldn't even have noticed it's existence.
Why attack only GM?
Why not IKEA?

Remember their sad lamp commercial?



Maybe more energy should be pointed toward important reasons for suicide.
Mental health issues, and stop with the PETA approach to protesting.

Today's Pointless Pondering

Do guys like this even realize how amusing they are to look at?
Seriously.
When they're driving their canary yellow Lancers, or lime green Honda Civics with the gigantic tailpipes, with Sonic the Hedgehog hair, leaning back in the driver's seat so that you can only see their noses. Lit cigarettes smouldering while they're driving, soon to flick it out the window onto your windshield (another ranty, rant post)...do they even grasp how laughable they look?

Really.
Do girls actually find this kind of self-absorbed, glittery metrosexual attractive?

It's a serious question.

Pointless Pondering #2

Apparently, there has been a rash of 100 year old drivers taking up valuable handicapped parking spaces!
Err...isn't there some sort of computer program that can flag dates, so that you can look into things like this?
It certainly explains all the able bodied people I see getting out of cars with handicapped stickers on them, parked in handicapped spots.

City Council Shenanigans

"Mr. Miller...Mr. Miller...Denzil won't move!"

"Mr. Miller, Case took my spot!"

"I'm turning off the lights! HANDS ON YOUR HEADS, FINGERS ON YOUR LIPS!"

What a supreme example of stupidness this was.

Yeah.
This is what's running this City.

First class, baby...first class all the way!

How to Ruin Your Life in 48 Hours.

You've worked for years to get to where you are, in a field where women have only recently been represented.

You rode the Discovery in July...

You're married, and you've got kids.

For you to drive 900 miles in diapers in a trenchcoat and wig...with a knife, a bb gun, pepper spray, and garbage bags to go after a woman who was involved with your alleged boyfriend on the side...I dunno.

Kinda reminds me of the Pam Coburn and Joseph Carnavale stupidness from a couple of years ago.
Remember Pam and Joe?

She sacrificed her career, embarrassed her family and devastated her kids for some dick too.

I just don't get it.
I'm assuming mental breakdown.

Bats in the Belfry

The Mister was out on the driveway shovelling snow when he heard, "Radmila's husband!!! RADMILA'S HUSBAND!!!".

It was our neighbour two houses down, shouting from her second floor window. "Come!!! COOOOME!" she screamed, wildly gesticulating with her hands for him to come.

Now, The Mister got scared...he thought something terrible had happened, that someone was sick, or having a heart attack, or something.

When he got to the house, the door was unlocked and it was dark...she had barricaded herself and her children in a second floor bedroom.
He fumbled around in the dark, since he's never been inside their house..and couldn't find a light switch. He shouted to ask what was wrong, and she yelled back that there was a bird in the house.

Bird? At night? In February?
Then, it came at him...it was his turn to scream!
It wasn't a bird...it was a BAT!

The Mister has hunted iguana, and lizards...had a pet monkey back in Guyana as a boy, captured and kept Marabunta and giant cockroaches the size of small rodents, seen bats "back home"...but wasn't expecting one to attack him on the second floor landing of a Canadian house.
He knocked it down with his hand, and then grabbed a nearby exacto knife (they've been renovating their house for the past year) and killed it.

I'm married to Batslayer!
My hero!

The end.

Feng Shui

There should be no shoes or slippers lying around outside the main door of your house. Remove it if you can. Allow that space at the main door to be free and clear. The chi (energy) rides with the wind and will collect all the smell of those shoes and slippers into your house causing sickness. Ch’i then travels about in your house looking for water to stay but if there are no water fountains or fish tanks, then the Ch’i will be dispersed by wind.

Feng Slav
Der shood be no shoes in da houz. Eff yu ver da shoes in mai houz, I gonna keel you.
Bedde yu kam tru da garage.

Feng Shui
There should be no television sets in your bedrooms: If you cannot get rid of that habit then after watching the television cover it with a plastic table cloth. Remember it has to be plastic and not simply cloth.

Feng Slav
Yu shood caver everytink yu like mid da plestic. Det vey it lest longer.

Feng Shui
There should be no mirrors opposite your bed or at the side of your bed. Mirrors opposite the bed can attract a third party to the relationship. Therefore, do not place mirrors anywhere you like and especially in your bedroom.

Feng Slav
Vai yu need da mirror in frant of da bed...vat? Are you prevert or samtink?

Feng Shui
In your kitchen, ensure that opposite your stove there is no refrigerator, washing machine, washbasin and toilet. The fire and water crash causing family members to have disagreements.

Feng Slav
Don mette ver yu gonna pud da fridge in da kitchen...you gonna hev da fight mid da femily. Mek shur if yu gonna fight, yu don talk to dem for et least da kappla years..an ven yu do, brink ap vat yu med aboud samtimes...jas so dey no yu deedn't forget vat yu med aboud.

Feng Shui
Do not use a red sofa set: The colour red represents the element of fire. And for Feng Shui, some places simply cannot have the colour red in that sector. For example: the wealth area or some other sectors which without a Feng Shui check would be unable to tell you where it is. A red sofa sets gives rise to heavy work pressure, troubles and obstacles.

Feng Slav
Don hev da red kouch. Eets agly.

Feng Shui
Always open your bedroom windows at least once 20 minutes a day to allow fresh chi to come in, we do this so that it allows fresh new chi from outside to come into your bedroom, if not you will be sleeping with stale chi every night.

Feng Slav
Open da vindov eef eet's da sammer...eef it's da vinter, open maybe 5 minutes and den CLOSE IT...VAT? YU TINK DA HYDRO EES FREE?

Trinidad Saltfish Accra from TriniGourmet.com.

They're fried. They're fantastic!

Super Bowl Chili at Papamo.

Sunday Click Around

The other night, I was waiting for some food at a local Jerk place, and I read most of the article in Macleans Magazine by Celia Rivenbark author of Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like A Skank. It's nothing I haven't pondered before, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Here is Celia interviewed by Macleans. The whole Bratz phenomenon freaks me out, and they sport a look that is even harder to attain than Barbie's was.
In the article, Ms. Rivenbark points out the whole porn/fantasy/pedophile thing by mentioning the Catholic Schoolgirl look that is favoured in men's sexual illusions. She mentioned Sante D'Orazio's fashion photography that played on this theme. So, of course I had to go home and look him up. Here's his site.

Anna from Blackbird did a post on her father and discussed "Inat", which is something I've noticed every Serb I've ever met has. Here is an excellent little synopsis of why Serbs have it by Aleksandra Kovac.

While I was at the Dentist last week, he was playing Billie Holiday...and I was loving it...did I mention how much I love my Dentist? I did once, here. Anyway, the Hygienist at one point said, "Oh my God! This music is soooo depressing" as Billie crooned "In my solitude...you haunt me...with memories of days gone by...". After I left, I really wanted to pull out my old Billie Holiday and keep listening. In the meantime, I also started thinking of others...Billie, Ella, Bessie, Sarah, as well as Edith. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

I found this pretty funny.

I know this is wrong, especially with what I do for a living...but still...I laughed.

I'm a little confused with the whole frat thing...but here's the UofT Lambdas Step Team. Other than adding to the whole clique culture of schools, I don't understand fraternities.

I'm posting this because this guy walks through the neighbourhood I grew up in. Points out my old street, and walks the "strip" I'm quite familiar with.
It's still more of a neighbourhood than the ghetto he wishes to portray it as. It's got pockets of ghetto, but people who live in real ghettos will recognize that it's not the burned out buildings and garbage that areas I've driven through in the states are. But, it's still part of Parkdale.

Mad Cow...likes to Moooove it.

Make your influence positive.

And last but not least...I cried right along with Matt Sato when he called his mom to tell her that he made it to the next round.
Doesn't he kind of remind you of a young Ryan Phillippe?

While reading the news this morning, there were a few things that caught my eye, and ire.

If this story isn't just hype, I'm disappointed in Jennifer Hudson. I thought she had more class than to shit in the hand that fed her. If it wasn't for American Idol, she'd be singing in clubs, and small venues like thousands of other singers who have voices just as good as hers. Shame on you Jennifer.

Sex with client sinks lawyer.

"Over dinner, Hunter told her his marriage "had been over for a long time but he continued to live with his wife for the sake of their children," according to a statement of fact filed with a law society disciplinary panel yesterday."

How old is that line? About 2000 years old?
I'll bet that information came as news to his wife.
I'm impressed that he outed himself...but then he's a lawyer, so he must have seen an exposure pending, and decided to do the "honourable" thing.

This really helps the towing business shake the image of "vultures", doesn't it?
The representative for the company's response of; "drivers are not required to look inside vehicles before towing them." is just so warm and fuzzy.

Face Transformer

Here's me as a Botticelli painting.

Go on, do yourself...you know you want to.

You can even try on other races.

Here's me as a Manga animation.

The Harsh Reality of Downsizing.

It's a Dog's Life

While surfing around I found this interesting little entry at La Vida Vica.

Vica says that there are two types of women:

Women are either cats

"Cats flaunt themselves - frequently while destroying something like carpeting or curtains. When bored, they chew through the earbud cords for your iPod or pull all of your ties off the rack in the closet. And men love these infuriating behaviors. Despite the massive historical precedent that dogs are man's best friend, cats are apparently their lovers".

or Dogs

"Dogs on the other hand love you faithfully. In fact, they can't imagine life without you. They come running each evening when you open the door to the apartment. Dogs will sit silently with you, their chin resting on your thigh while you channelsurf in the La-Z-Boy. Dogs have no shame about how much they want you".

I find this interesting.

The upside is that even dogs will eventually attack if they've been abused for long enough.

Dear Mr. Volvo V90,

I acknowledge that you are concerned for the safety of the toddler sitting in what looks like an expensive "top of the line" child seat, and that you've put that little wiggly sign in your back window reminding the rest of us to be careful...because there's a "baby on board".

I also appreciate that you've chosen a vehicle make that is known as one of the safest on the road...so...answer me this: Why the fuck are you smoking in an enclosed car while your kid is sitting in the back seat?

For someone who seems so concerned about safety...it just seems...I dunno....ironic.