My 2 Second Shelf Life

Feng Shui

There should be no shoes or slippers lying around outside the main door of your house. Remove it if you can. Allow that space at the main door to be free and clear. The chi (energy) rides with the wind and will collect all the smell of those shoes and slippers into your house causing sickness. Ch’i then travels about in your house looking for water to stay but if there are no water fountains or fish tanks, then the Ch’i will be dispersed by wind.

Feng Slav
Der shood be no shoes in da houz. Eff yu ver da shoes in mai houz, I gonna keel you.
Bedde yu kam tru da garage.

Feng Shui
There should be no television sets in your bedrooms: If you cannot get rid of that habit then after watching the television cover it with a plastic table cloth. Remember it has to be plastic and not simply cloth.

Feng Slav
Yu shood caver everytink yu like mid da plestic. Det vey it lest longer.

Feng Shui
There should be no mirrors opposite your bed or at the side of your bed. Mirrors opposite the bed can attract a third party to the relationship. Therefore, do not place mirrors anywhere you like and especially in your bedroom.

Feng Slav
Vai yu need da mirror in frant of da bed...vat? Are you prevert or samtink?

Feng Shui
In your kitchen, ensure that opposite your stove there is no refrigerator, washing machine, washbasin and toilet. The fire and water crash causing family members to have disagreements.

Feng Slav
Don mette ver yu gonna pud da fridge in da kitchen...you gonna hev da fight mid da femily. Mek shur if yu gonna fight, yu don talk to dem for et least da kappla years..an ven yu do, brink ap vat yu med aboud samtimes...jas so dey no yu deedn't forget vat yu med aboud.

Feng Shui
Do not use a red sofa set: The colour red represents the element of fire. And for Feng Shui, some places simply cannot have the colour red in that sector. For example: the wealth area or some other sectors which without a Feng Shui check would be unable to tell you where it is. A red sofa sets gives rise to heavy work pressure, troubles and obstacles.

Feng Slav
Don hev da red kouch. Eets agly.

Feng Shui
Always open your bedroom windows at least once 20 minutes a day to allow fresh chi to come in, we do this so that it allows fresh new chi from outside to come into your bedroom, if not you will be sleeping with stale chi every night.

Feng Slav
Open da vindov eef eet's da sammer...eef it's da vinter, open maybe 5 minutes and den CLOSE IT...VAT? YU TINK DA HYDRO EES FREE?