Saturday, January 12, 2008

Since I get so many hits for this...I thought I'd repost it:

A couple of days ago, Chris over at Cynical-C posted this joke article on How to Argue with Females.
Well, I've decided to post my own tips on How to Argue with Guys.

Here it is:

(It's a joke. Don't e-mail me or get your briefs in a knot.)

Step 1. Hide the remote.
Guys hate having to pay attention and think about things. It’s much more comfortable for them to sweep things under the rug, and you know that is generally as close to a broom as they get.

Step 2. Pretend to compromise.
Guys generally don’t think too far in advance. Their attention span is short, so it’s easy to get them to think that you’ve capitulated when you’ve actually got them to do what you want by massaging their egos. Remember: The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head any way she wants.

Step 3. Dig up ancient history.
Don’t forget to bring up all of the things he’s done that’s even remotely similar to whatever is pissing you off today. This is one of the things guys tell each other women do all the time. Why disappoint them? Especially since you probably have years worth of stuff to throw back up…even though you’ve only been together for about a year.

Step 4. Use Strategy.
Plan all arguments around major sporting events. Always plan to make your point about a minute before the game. He will give in to all demands.

Step 5. Don’t let him interrupt you.
Talk louder if you have to. Yell if you have to. Combine this with step 3 to totally frustrate him and shut him up. Without the remote (see step 1) he won’t know what to do. If you’re lucky he’ll leave in frustration and you’ll be able to watch Desperate Housewives in peace.

Step 6. Take a cheap shot.
Make some sort of reference to his mother. Call him a "Mama’s boy". Mention "Apron strings". Guys hate any reference to being attached to their mothers. It flips some sort of switch that turns them into 12 year olds.

Step 7. Have Patience.
If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with him. This drives guys nuts because they think that you’re the one dying to talk to them. If you do answer, answer by using a really happy voice saying "Hi (some other guys name)", and when he says it's him, change your tone to disappointment. They hate that.

Step 8.(For Canadians only)
Tell him there’s no more beer, and the beer store is closing in 15 minutes. He’ll agree with anything you say just to get there before they lock the doors.

Step 9. Compare his technique with your ex-boyfriends.
It throws him off his game. He’ll be consumed with thinking back on what he’s doing that is wrong, which will enable you to move in for the kill.

Step 10. Be vague.
Let him know you are angry, but when he asks why
just tell him "You know why!" or “If I have to tell you…”
He is guilty of at least a dozen infractions at any given time and this will throw him off as he tries to figure out the exact thing you’re referring to.

Step 11. Cry.
If you find yourself cornered, cry.
It automatically puts him on the defensive. Accuse him of being mean and hurting your feelings. When combined with step 7, you may be able to get him to fetch things for you for days.

Remember, we’ve been letting men think that they are the more intelligent of the genders for centuries. All throughout history men have believed themselves to be in control of every facet of existence.
We women know that they really couldn’t separate laundry without our help.