My 2 Second Shelf Life

I Get a Kick...

...out of some sayings used to flower up language or a description. These are just a few that I could remember.
Do you know any?

"She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher"

"As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy ass"

"As busy as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest" (Crabby's fav)

"Went over like a pregnant Pole Vaulter"

"Went over like a whore at a church picnic"

"Empty as a bag of Hershey's Kisses at a Weight Watchers convention"

"I wouldn't trust him with the key to a can of sardines!"

"Talkative? She's got more tongue than a Mountie's boot"

The art is by: The fabulously talented Toronto Artist, Rob Croxford