Monday, August 14, 2006

How important is bonding where children are concerned?

I've talked to many people who immigrated to Canada, but were left behind with family in their home countries, and brought over when their parents were "settled".

The Mister was left with family by his mother.
He was 18, and his sister was 9, when they were reunited with their mother, at that time... she brought them to Canada.
I was left behind with my grandparents, and brought to my parents who returned to Europe from Canada and were waiting in Germany, for me to be brought by an uncle so that we could make our way to Canada together.

My parents and my grandparents generation didn't believe in discussing things with children. Everything was on a need to know basis. This was a reoccurring theme in my life, and I am confident that it was like that because they felt they were protecting me.
Shielding us from the confusion of adult decisions, and changes.

When I was a little girl, I was told over and over that my mother was "chak leko, leko" (far, far away), and when she came for me, she would bring me a big doll.
Just like the doll that sat on my grandmothers high bed with her skirt all spread out around her.
The doll I was never allowed to play with or touch.
The doll that was as big as I was.

Yesterday, while the sister-in-law and I were just sitting around in the backyard passing time and talking, we were discussing this subject.
She doesn't remember reuniting with her mother either.

My mother tells the story, and says how she cried and cried trying to convince me that she was my mother.
Mama says that all I kept repeating was that she was not my mother, and that my mother was far, far away (chak leko leko).
Our time away from each lost forever.

My bond was with my grandparents, and as much as I love my mother...I don't think we ever recovered from that separation.
Don't get what I'm saying wrong...I'm just saying that when people talk about the "parental bond", it's a real thing.
It's not something that you can hold in your hand, but it's something that is held in your head.

I'm just sayin'
No life changing decision comes without consequences and sacrifice.

Perhaps this is why I get so pissed off with illegal immigrants who feel that they can just jump the queue, and demand that they get amnesty...and get to stay without going through the legal channels to become citizens.
Right now, at this in this city, there is a mother who is working hard to bring her children here. Sending barrels home, with toys and clothes and photos so that her children don't forget what she looks like.
Saving money, filling out forms and going to immigration hearings in order to reunite with her children legally.

I'm not saying that it shouldn't be the other way around.
What I am saying is that it is what it is, and people should not be allowed to manipulate the system while others are following the rules.
Valuing the law, and abiding by it.
These are the citizens I think are worthy of citizenship.

Speed up the process in both respects.
Help families reunite sooner...before that time is lost to a parent and child forever.
Deport those that don't respect our laws sooner, and make them do it legally...or change immigration laws to favour families.

But don't allow the manipulation to continue.
It's a slap in the face to those of us who made the sacrifice.